Alrighty, it is time to talk about the not-so-new-now new toy from Fun Factory (renowned German makers of brightly coloured toys that are good for fucking with, even if some of them look like the sort of early learning toy you might give to a small child), the Stronic Eins.

For many years now, insertable vaginal toys have tended to vibrate and/or rotate. Occasionally there might be some ‘pearls’ in the shaft of the toy for extra texture fun, but that has been it. Fun Factory have come alone and blown this shit out of the water with this new toy, which is not a vibrator, but a pulsator. Yeah, you heard. A pulsator. Because it pulses. Another way to phrase this would be to say that it thrusts.

If you are into penetration, then you are probably a little beside yourself with this concept, if you don’t already own one of these bad boys. And you should be a little beside yourself, because the Stronic Eins is good. Real good. However, it doesn’t function in the same way as a fucking machine (or human), so don’t expect this toy to be able to go as hard as a real-life partner would, slamming into you with all that good weight and force. No, this is just a little pulsator, and it isn’t going to feel like you are actually fucking, so let’s go into this experience with realistic expectations, shall we?

Stronic Eins (in pink)

You’ll get about three hours of pulsing before it needs to be charged again, but charging doesn’t take too long; roughly as long as it would take to charge up a smart phone. If you need to take the Stronic Eins with you when travelling, Fun Factory have taken a leaf from the Lelo tree of goodness and added in a lock function. This means you don’t risk your luggage trying to jerk its way down the check in line at the airport, and no embarrassing bomb squad encounters for you. Unlike Lelo’s clever locking function (hold down two buttons for a count of three to lock/unlock), Fun Factory just makes the on/off button more difficult to accidentally knock on; it needs to be depressed for a second before it will work. I’ve played around with mine, trying to accidentally turn it on, and haven’t yet managed to, but it still isn’t going to be as super-secure as Lelo toys are. Having said that, if this is a massive concern for you, just charge the toy down before you pack it in the suitcase. A toy with no charge can not accidentally be turned on, after all.

The medical-grade silicone is that lovely matte texture that Fun Factory are known for, but seems to want to make love to dust and cat fur more than my other Fun Factory toys. You’ll want to store it in a lint-free storage bag or box so that it doesn’t need de-linting before use. You’ll also want to be liberal with the water-based lubricant, because the matte texture can create a bit of drag and friction when in use.

Speaking of use, let’s get to the good stuff: how this toy performs. Inside the toy is a clever little motor that allows the toy to thrust forward and back, like this:

Stronic Eins pulsating

There are about 10 different pulsation patterns, some of which are pretty hot date and some of which feel like you are getting it on with a seizure victim, but there is enough variety that you will no doubt find something that works for you.

If the Stronic Eins is held on to tightly, it will not pulsate as hard as it can, so what you’ll need to learn how to do is hold it lightly, or just let your pelvic floor do the work for you and go hands free. You may also find that certain positions allow this toy to perform the way it wants to better than others. I’ve found it easier to use whilst lying down than standing or sitting. Standing up (the way you might use a vibrator in the shower) is particularly awkward and with the loose grip I was a little too concerned about dropping the damn thing on the tiles; at $200+ a pop, you don’t want to go dropping it.

Once you’ve found a comfortable position you can really get some good g-spot stimulation with this toy. The slight curve at the head means it is already heading in the right direction, and the repeat thrusts into the g-spot, combined if you like with another form of clitoral stimulation, can make for some very satisfying wanking. Yeah, it has a little nub for clit stimulation, but I’m the kind of girl who wants pressure, and I can’t manoeuvre this toy (or most others) in a way that gives me dual stimulation to my liking. Of course, your mileage with the clit nub may vary.

If you are having a partner use this toy on you, make sure you get them to keep a light grip, otherwise they may as well be using a vibrator or dildo on you. And really, were I with a partner, I would probably sooner hand them a vibrator or dildo to fuck me with than this toy. The Stronic Eins is best reserved for solo use when you don’t have someone else to do the thrusting for you and you want to concentrate on how awesome things are feeling and not the annoyance that is having to get a hand cramp from self-thrusting action. And what better way to celebrate Masturbation Month than with a hands-free wank?

All in all, I am in love with my Stronic Eins and have forced it into the hands of most visitors to my house, exclaiming ‘FEEL THIS! LOOK AT THIS! IT’S A REVELATION GOD DAMN IT!’. At $200+ a pop, it is definitely an investment piece, so make sure you hold on to your receipt and buy it from a trustworthy retailer with a good returns policy, just in case. Then start saving for the Stronic Zwei and Stronic Drei!

Please note: this is not a sponsored review and I have not been compensated in any way to provide my honest opinion. If however you would like to send me your product in exchange for my honest review, please contact me at harlotoverdrive@gmail.com